bullshit – vol. 3 — christmas is bullshit!
welcome to “friday bullshit” – the 4th edition (or is it the 3rd) ((shrug)) idk
in the spirit of the season: christmas is bullshit!
now before you go all “bah humbug!” on me…let me splain’ 
A) i’m not discounting the christian holiday that celebrates the birth of christ (i’m not however advocating it either as it being “december 25th“ or that it ever even happened to begin with…but i digress) as far as christians go, i welcome anything they want to tell me about the bible with open arms, heart and mind. i admire anyone with that much blind faith and that much dedication to the one they choose to be their “lord and savior” and would never suggest the holiday of “christmas” is “bullshit” when celebrated for this purpose — just as i’d not deny anyone’s birthday
B) santa. the big red jolly fucker that hold’s children’s hopes and dreams hostage for the better part of the last quarter of the year. they dress up as demons on october 31st and then are reminded every day that if they are not behaving like angels until dec 24 — they will get a lump of coal in their stocking. i loved believing in santa — i never got coal — i always wondered why santa’s handwriting was so much like my father’s though…now that i have my own children, i realize their belief in santa was really more for my own needs than theirs…i was reliving that little bit of childhood again through them. santa is not really bullshit, however comma (for chris) placing the behavior of a child on a made up character who sadistically decides whether little johnny will get a shiny new bike or a nice lump o coal on jesus’ bday is, in fact, bullshit. tell little johnny the truth “you’re a smart mouthed, mean, spoiled little fucker and you’re not getting diddly”
how about those families that DO have good children but unfortunate circumstances? we give a toy every year — i skip buying at least two presents for my kids to buy gifts for those aforementioned kids — and one year not long ago, my kids were those aforementioned kids — it really puts “santa” into perspective.
even if you don’t celebrate the holiday, please make a small donation to a family who does who is in need. it will grow your little grinch heart 3 sizes that day =)
adopt a family this holiday
toys for tots
christmas charities
and while i’m here…please, please, PLEASE do not get someone a pet for christmas, especially a child. yes, they are cute and cuddly — for about 2 weeks
please read this before considering a pet as a gift
C) santa is too fat. have you been hearing this crap on the news? now fictional characters have to be put on atkins? give me a fucking break. the surgeon general has stated that santa needs to go on a diet — and that he’s a bad example for kids. yanno what? if your kid is chubby and can’t run and play and keep up, and its not related to any other illness (ie, asthma) guess what? its YOUR fault as a parent, not fucking santa claus. stop buying unhealthy snacks…stop buying fast food and for fucksake, PLAY with your kids! whats next, spongebob is showing too much leg? of all the “role models” i see in today’s market for kids to buy and compare themselves too (um, those stoopid bratz dolls, hello?) santa is hardly one i’m worried about. its SANTA, who the hells wants a skinny santa?? aren’t the three kings skinny already? isn’t kris kringle on the thin side? now that i think about it, its kinda funny the fattest nation in the world also has the fattest santa….hmmm. well no matter, how can we think about making santa skinny? we’d have to change ALL the songs about him? how does a belly “shake like a bowl full of jelly” with washboard abs?
(i need a moment)
ok..*wipes brow* where was i?? oh yea:
this PC thing is really getting out of hand. next thing you know, rudolf’s nose will indicate he is secretly gay or they’ll find out his bright bulb doesn’t meet the energy efficient standards and will be the cause of global warming — which, btw did you hear about the politician telling kids that the north pole is going to melt ?? *sigh* i love politics…ted kennedy is my favorite.
E) the commercialization of “christmas”. i will spare your poor eyes on the history of the evil retailers that prey on our pocketbooks from the friday after thanksgiving to the eve of “hay-zusus” birthday….but i will give you this:
mistletoe — an excuse for inappropriate grabbing, nudging and groping some poor unsuspecting schmuck getting “caught” under a twig and some berries — its like date rape, but without the illegal drugging 
cookies — there are three things in life that i’m just a sucker for: green eyes, dimples and cookies. yep, the bitter girl doesn’t have a sweet-tooth, but i do love cookies — and this time of year they are all iced into cute little shapes — and sometimes they are in the shape of a man — and i can bite their heads off will evil glee — satisfying and yummy!
eggnog/irish coffee – the real “spirit” of christmas
have a wonderful weekend lovies
that’s my word.
thanks for playing.
XOXO, stasi
