ob li de, ob li da
“wtf you been??”
i’ve been around. i’ve no life crisis, no life ephiphanies, no life altering decisions to make…i have a “make the donuts” type of job and i’m just settling into the fact that this is just…life. i’m in a healthy relationship with a wonderful man, i’m embracing my little successes and downfalls in parenting, i’m paying my bills and providing the best i can for my family. i’m here, i’m not going anywhere…
how’s life you ask?
in progress…
for years, for all of my life really, i’ve never felt settled. i chalk that up to being moved every two and three years with my father’s air force career…even now i change the furniture around in my apartment every few months just to feel like i’ve made a new beginning when life begins to feel mundane…its always like starting a new cycle…only this last time i moved the apt. around it felt different, it wasn’t as if i’d started over new…it felt more accomplished than covered up…it felt bright and shiny…but not “new”…
and i sat there in my newly rearranged apartment, taking inventory of my surroundings and realized that no matter what the world gives me, i can’t trade it in on a better model…i can shine it up, but its still the same thing…same situation…i can’t cover it up, i can only accept it for what it is…a new coat of paint on the same pile of crap is just a newly painted pile of crap…yanno?
i feel calm, rested. i feel like i’ve hit bottom and it wasn’t really all that bad in hindsight. i had some bullshit to deal with, hardly anything i couldn’t handle…i’ve realized i’m a pretty tough cookie and i that i can be tough, stand my ground, not compromise my morals…yet, remain compassionate, honest and caring…even in the face of my adversaries.
perhaps its age, or aging…but when i turned 35 i yearned to go back to 30…to be honest, i’d not take 30 back again now for anything…to give up all that knowledge, for what? a few pounds less and minus a wrinkle or two…you can have it honey…i almost feel a sadness for my younger 20-something sisters…for all the things that they don’t know, for all the trials and tribulations they will certainly endure…i wear my badges of honor proudly…i display my diploma of life’s lessons in a gawdy gold inlaid frame on my wall of victory…i sell tickets to my mind-freak show 
its not that i’ve anti-mySpaced…its that i’ve pro-lifeSpaced…
i’ve accepted…i’ve presented…i’ve overcome…i’ve settled. and i finally feel as if my life is in progress to something big…but i’m ok waiting for it and just enjoying the scenery on the way…
may your weekend be filled with peace, love and understanding…
and hopefully soft lips, warm hands and adult beverages
~namaste~
xoxo, stasi
