if i were president, i’d be baberaham lincoln…
hilary is not the first hopeful woman to put her name on a presidential ballot…
Between 1964 and 2004 over fifty women were on at least one ballot as candidates for President, both as minor party candidates and as candidates in primaries for the nomination of the Republican or Democratic parties. (1)
i encourage you to read this post, its quite interesting…
so i was just thinking the other day…”what would my platform be if i were to run for president?”…now given the regular issues: education, immigration, health care, military spending, taxes…sure, those are all up for grabs and debate…but i’m talking about things, that as a woman, i’d really like to be able to change, for example:
1. getting my dress shirts laundered and pressed (light starch) would cost me the SAME AMOUNT as it does the italian’s shirts…do you know it cost him one buck o’five per shirt…and it cost me $4.25 for the same thing??? WTF is that???
2. rubbernecking fines would carry over to not just being nosy over an accident…it would be a mandatory 1000.00 fine for some toothless-hairy-inbred-white-trash-trucker to slow down on the fucking highway to peer down into my sunroof, thereby slowing traffic behind him…yanno what fucker, WATCH THE DAMN ROAD!
3. every woman, as reward for getting their annual breast exams, would receive a $100 check for a custom-made bra from a shop like “anne’s lingerie” or “intimacy” — and just to be fair, each man who gets his annual prostate check would get a complimentary removal of the stick from their asses…
4. it would be mandatory for HMO’s to provide temporary housing for the grandparents of the first born child — this housing voucher would only be good for a week…
5. no child left behind? yes! and in addition assisting financially — all teens with acceptance letters to some sort of higher education after high school get: an ipod, an electric car, birkenstock’s (or timberland’s, depending on the environment) and a week at the playboy mansion (for those kids applying to MIT: a week at space camp)
6. mandatory dental visits — just like mandatory inoculations against disease — halitosis shall be unlawful and heavily fined.
7. i will institute a fashion police force, this will not only enforce fashion, but also give tickets for bad etiquette — the role of commissioner shall be dually shared between a man a woman, by popular vote of course…those caught breaking serious fashion faux pas (ie, hot pink hair without ink, a tattoo, facial piercing or knee high lace-ups…or pushing food onto your fork with your fingers at any place that did not ask if you wanted to “super-size”) will be fined heavily and those queer guys on the bravo channel will be the probation officers…
8. parents will be fined for blatantly allowing their children to run rampant through the grocery store, hiding in the clothing rounds, walking down the aisle in the busy parking lot, loitering in the middle of the street, not teaching to yield their bikes to joggers on the sidewalk, and not answering an adult with anything but “yes/no”, “yes/no m’am”, “yes/no sir” — double fines for allowing children and teens to respond to adults with “yea”, “so”, “and?”, “huh?”, “wha”, “fuck you bitch”
9. companies who go through massive layoffs — but still retain executives with company sponsored private jets and car services — will be responsible for providing the transportation, and possible relocation, of the terminated employees for jobs interviews…the company would also provide any wardrobe, spa and chiropractic treatments…
10. animal cruelty offenders would have a special jail set up just for them — which would include being kept on a chain (or in a metal cage) outside with no interaction, their thumbs would be removed and they would be fed in dirty bowls with fresh water only coming in the form of rain water…michael vic would be the warden and PETA would be the parole board…
so, can i get your vote?
what would you change as president? :0)
The Italian said,
Tue, 11.Mar.08 at 4:12 pm
The biggest reason no woman has ever been president is this :
They are all too damn smart to want the job………or rather, those that thought they wanted it, have come to realize that there time and talent would be far more useful molding the youth of the world than trying to reshape and change the stuffed shirt male power players and caniving bullshit artists that are our elected officials…….Let’s face it …….Women, no matter how smart, patient and fearless could never stand the stench of a sewer (that is DC) that long.
Now, before anyone starts slinging the mud my way…….I’m not against a woman being president………I just don’t feel any canidate in my lifetime has been up to the challenge……..well there were two……..but neither ever ran…instead one just sort of pulled some strings from the back ground and I’m sure cleaned up a lot of messes along the way……….she’d be Barbara Bush, mother of our current fearless, uneloquent, Yale educated man……….and hubby to our last previous Republican president…….Too bad, she’s have cleaned up the yard with the current candidates and probably bent her own boy ass up over her knee in the process too.
The other is Ann Richards, ex Gov of Texas…………but, of course too many skeletons in her closet……..I mean com on, she could run one of the biggest states in the country, hang with the big boys, bring them to their knees and tell it like it is…….hmmmm…….she could out menuever and out gun all of the big boys…..but alas, her ability to out drink them all too kept her from ever running…….maybe she should have marrried a Kennedy…….that might have helped her out.
Either way………..give me Barb on Ann any day……..and we sont need more weapons and more threats and more name calling………..will actually have some common sense, straight talk, real solutions and lot of humor and can you believe it some one who actually knows they can do the job as opposed thinking about doing it.
Hey it’s not an easy job being president………….but then again, it’s not easy being a mother either, but it’s a hell of a lot more rewarding than being picked over by the press and attacked by political rivals and pundits on a daily basis…….at least a mom get’s a hug at the end of a day.
Good luck to who ever get the job………they’ll need it along with sound advice from an informed public and the patience to understand….we aren’t the big stick but the big cornerstone of a world that needs a strong and solid place to build a new
GLOBAL contingency of shared ideals and an appreciation of differences and love of inherent truths that kind bind all of the good of each and weed out the social cancers that plaugue so many of the worlds nations.
stasihart said,
Tue, 11.Mar.08 at 4:24 pm
nice rant honey…i’m gonna have to wait for sueBear or Mika to weigh in on governor ann…all i remember of living in texas was tapping a keg of lone star at a UT frat party…
i respectfully disagree that a woman could not handle, or want, the job of president…we are missing the “Y” chromosome…we’ll never forget the leader’s of another nation’s wife’s name, or what she was wearing…we’d always send a “thank you” card…and most certainly *never* blow chunks on a foreign dignitary…(speaking of bushs’)
Punk in Trublic said,
Tue, 11.Mar.08 at 5:46 pm
#1….. yep, that IS pretty effed up.
#2…. start wearing trousers Stasi, and the truckers wouldn’t be so enamored with the aerial view. just sayin’……
#3……. mamograms are proof positive that men run the medical testing industry. if we needed an x-ray machine and shop vise to check our balls, you’d best believe some brilliant SOB would come up with a better method. again, just sayin’…..
#4…… agreed. but i want them housed for longer, for each child and for all communication to come from the new parents ONLY. G’parents would only be allowed to relay the days events as it relates to the newborn. but that’s just me, and i’m just sayin’…….
#5…… A WEEK?? the ranks of boys/men as freshmen would dwindle. they couldn’t handle a few hours, let alone a week. are you actually TRYING to kill off a generation of younguns?? what a shock – i’m just sayin’………
#6…. subsidys for Altoids. And I’m JUST SAYIN’………. those smelly pie-holes shouldn’t say anything,…. foul smelling dragon breathed emmeffers….. yanno?! (homage, not a theft)
#7….. extra time tacked on to the sentence for violating the “age appropriate dictum”; lose the chain-wallet, dude. you’re 40…. let it go. stop shopping at Hot Topic. It was never either, hot nor a topic. get over it. douchebag.
#8….. and for allowing your kid to address me by my first name. I’ll go along with “Mr. Chris”, but if your little future demon seed calls me by my first name again without some identifier tacked on to the front end, the law will look the other way when I subsequently flick them on their nostril and punch you in your throat. Ditto from above, so……. just sayin’………
#9…. and they have to pick up a weekly, but reasonable, bar tab for the affected former employees. consider it part of the COBRA benies. Andth I’mth jusfth thayin’…………
#10…… and let’s neuter them without anastesia (sp?) and close up any insicisions with a rusty and jagged cautering iron….. and i’m not sayin’ anything…. i’m just cradling my nugs.
peace.
stasihart said,
Tue, 11.Mar.08 at 5:57 pm
let’s move to utah….
i’m just sayin’
GranDiva said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 1:38 am
ANN RICHARDS SHOULD’VE BEEN PRESIDENT! *high fives the Italian* Damn skippy. That was a brilliant woman who not only kept Texas in check, but painted the capital pink just to spite her successor. I love her. (met her even)
You made some amazing commentary. And you know what? There SHOULD be a reward for getting into University. In fact, if you get in, you should be able to go–whether or not you can afford it. That’s what Harvard does, and that’s why they have the talent they have.
I LOVE your thoughts here. I must say, though, if people would spank their kids, there would be less crazy kids running around. I want principals to give licks again. I’m sorry, but people need immediate punishment. But, those are just thought from Black Momma.
Oh, but I only disagree on one point… If there were real fashion police, how would we be able to spot those who aren’t divas? Then, I’d just be GrandNormal. Booooooo. lmao
stasihart said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 12:50 pm
he’s a smart cookie that italian (and they say you can’t have beauty and brains) — and my dahhhhling, you will never, never (never) be “normal” anyone…
TD&C said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 4:16 pm
Take it easy on Ann Richards! She was a friend of my Mom’s in Austin. And she was sober for the last ten years of her life!
stasihart said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 4:22 pm
JJ! yay!!!
Shannon said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 4:40 pm
Here here! Stasi for pretzeldent!
I would also like to make it a law that George W. Bush Jr. be sentenced to the exact same punishment as people whore are charged with animal cruelty.
Shannon said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 4:41 pm
That would be people who are, not whore are. Sex on the brain today. Solly.
stasihart said,
Wed, 12.Mar.08 at 4:44 pm
@shannon — whore the hell are you??