potty humor…
ok, this is all over the news…if you have not heard of the woman who sat on the potty for TWO YEARS until the damned seat was infused to her back-side…please give me the location to the cave you are in with the wifi access (i mean, you’re at least reading blogs…)
questions, comments, concerns and observations…
1. what um, what??
2. i can understand being embarrassed to yell out of the door “hey, i’m out of t.p.” but for fucksakes…at some point in time don’t you at least drip dry…?
3. WTF??
4. did these people never have guests over?
5. did she ever flush?
6. if this is not a new billboard slogan for metamusil… i don’t know what is….*furiously writing letter to metamusil ad ppl*
7. WTF???!!
8. two words: “hiiiideeey ho!!”
9. this is the only time in history i can safely say i would not have faulted the boyfriend for leaving the seat up…
10. [insert your own question, comment, observation here]
+++++
so…this got me to thinking of some other “potty humor” and reminded me of a friend in missouri…
kasey would pop a squat anywhere…if she had to go, she HAD to go…behind a bldg…next to a car door…in an alley…the men’s room…behind the johnny-on-the-spot…anywhere.
so we are at mardi gras…drinking heavily of course (of course!)…and kasey, bless her heart, has to “go”…all the JOTS are littered with long lines of people dancing the pee-wiggle-dance…all the establishments are too far to park and walk to in such a short time…so of course, i’m obliged to find a suitable way to get my friend’s bladder emptied in an orderly, yet expedited fashion…we find a parking spot in an old warehouse parking lot, a pretty good ways from the crowd…as i mentioned, kasey does not have a shy bladder (or much else) so it mattered not to her the privacy of the situation, only the brevity of it…as she exquisitely, and with the precision of a decorated marksman (this is a talent guys…missing shoes and feet is imperative when popping a squat, it takes skill and practice) remedies her situation…it occurs to me that *my* bladder is now beckoning me, taunting me, teasing me…kasey finishes up and almost as if her mouth and my bladder are incahoots…
“awww, that’s better. you gotta go?”
bam. i damn sure did have to go…kasey finally talked me into just
“going behind the door…no one is around and you’ll feel better, trust me“
so i did…and as i crouch behind the car door, position myself as to not sprinkle my feet or jean bottoms…i begin to feel better already, i begin to feel silly for making such a production about the whole thing, i mean… “for gawdsake…if you gotta go, you gotta go…”
HONK!!! HONK!!! whoo-hoo!!! yea baby!!!
i turn to where all this commotion is coming from…turns out, the parking lot backed up the the highway exit-ramp…turns out, we were parked in the last row, next to the exit-ramp…turns out the exit-ramp had a red-light and with the all the mardi gras traffic, it was only moving at a snails pace…turns out, i was showing my lily-white ass to no less that 4 jeeps full of guys…
turns out…you don’t have to show your boobs to get beads after all…
i wanna hear your potty humor stories now :0)
Shannon said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 6:57 pm
Seriously? Two years? I really have to see what the end result of that is. I mean, do you think her boyfriend made her? Jesus.
I only have one funny potty story, and it’s really gross. So, I won’t be sharing. Chris will get on here and say TMI, anyway. lol
stasihart said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:01 pm
@shanny — its a TMI friendly kinda blog…sides, you can always post anon…i allow that sort of thing
stasihart said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:02 pm
…just remember to wash your hands when you leave…
Punk in Trublic said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:14 pm
First of all, THIS is my favorite line from the article, “The woman’s boyfriend had called the police reporting saying that something was wrong with his girlfriend.” Hmmm, you don’t say….*rubbing chin a la Sigmund Freud*
We used to do this thing in college called “dry docking on the poop deck”. It’s typically done during the summer (although anytime will work, frankly), when your friends apartment is empty, but his kindly parents are still paying rent on it during the summer so that their “darling” son doesn’t have to worry about finding new housing every year. You turn off the water to the tank, flush the toilet so the tank is emptied, then dump a growler in the tank, replace the tank lid, but leave the water turned off. You finish the deal by turning on the heat in the joint, leaving the bathroom door wide open and all the windows in the place sealed up, and leaving. Your buddy arrives to his place in the fall only to find a rank that must be experienced to be believed; the kind of rank that can only be achieved by letting poo mold and fester in a heated apartment for 2 months during the summer. It’s good to have friends, isn’t it?!?
stasihart said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:19 pm
damnit, i keep trying to put a “hazmat” logo in here and it won’t let me…
Punk in Trublic said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:20 pm
Can I also add that my very stupid, very 15 year old nephew got so drunk on Saturday night this past weekend, that he not only puked ALL OVER his room, evidently he shit his bed and then proceed to fling it all over his room whilst in his drunken stupor – so now it’s in every imagineable crack and crevice of his room. Apparently drunk boy, also “finger paint” with some of the vomit and poo-poo on his walls. He claims to remember nothing, but he believes that he had a dream about painting grafitti art. Sure did, jackass. Except it was with excrement you tool!
Stint at rehab is already booked. His second trip. ‘Tis good to be Irish.
I’m laughing, but of course, it’s really not a laughing matter – the kid has issues like tissues.
stasihart said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 7:22 pm
one word: skat.
uhhh…that’s all i got.
GranDiva said,
Thu, 13.Mar.08 at 11:58 pm
Can I just say how awesome Google Reader and iGoogle are for delivering this spot of humor directly to my homepage? Okay–now that the plug is over…
BUAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! SHAME! That’s too many things. I am so glad you can blame that situation on being drunk.
With respect to the woman… WTF? Is all I can say. Seriously.
stasihart said,
Fri, 14.Mar.08 at 12:18 pm
@mika…i’m so glad i can blame MANY a thing on being drunk