Milk, eggs, cheese, bread…oh, and lover…will you pick me up some of those rare pretzel shaped pretzels?
this weekend was all about me…and the italian very selflessly allowed me to use, torture and abuse him with “finding that perfect window panel to match the new bedding i just purchased”
…and you know the bathroom had to be redone to match too, right?? i mean, how do you change colors in the master bedroom and leave the old, worn out shit in the master bath?? no, no, no…that would be like grilling the perfect steak and drowning it in ketchup…even worse, drinking some domestic-pansy-beer with it like a coor’s light >wink<
after 4 hours of “do you like this one, or this one?” i had the audacity to ask him to cook dinner for me and the boys (he’s an amazingly good cook, btw)
…i don’t know if he’s aware of some dying rich relative i have that i haven’t been made aware of, he’s stone-crazy or just a nice guy (i lean towards the latter…but shhh, don’t tell him, it would totally ruin things for me)
ANYwho…i mention all that to mention why i am perusing craigslist (just go with my wanting to have an excuse, oKAY??)
…i just need a futon to round out my spare room and after 8 months, i’m almost moved in and settled! i promise…i would never (never) just go gallivanting in such a place as craigslist…i would never read the “best of’s” in the “casual encounters” sextion… *grin*
as i’m on my serious mission for the perfect futon (it’s my hope to find one that has been sitting in a guest room, hardly used, as it will do just the same in my place)
i ran across this:
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/fur/609005747.html
now, the part that i liked the best is…it advertises for FIVE DOLLARS…and he even iterates * The price is FIRM * — doesn’t that just make you just wanna buy it, just on principle?? only thing is, i’m guessing this is some pretty big dude…i picture debo in my head…(bonus points for pop-culture-reference)
this ad got me to thinking…WTF is the crap some people sell? i mean…i look at pics of items and i’m like “seriously” — here is one ad where the kid, admittingly, is a college student…you could SEE the jizz all over the futon…(which immediately made me up my search price, and start looking instead at new stuff with free delivery) but seriously, i mean…c’mon…clean the thing before you photograph it!!!
i understand “one man’s junk is another man’s treasure” and i donated two car loads of “junk” to charity this weekend…i’m not above estate and garage sales, consignment shops, etc…and ask mika, i’m really good at finding really nice stuff some rich tart just can’t be bothered with any longer…
>shrug<
but for the love of gawd – there is just a line that gets crossed…there are just things you just DON’T resell…socks, underwear, bra’s (any undergarment, IMO)…toys — what um, why would someone um…ok, i can do nothing but shake my head and grab my crotch and make a force field around it…w.t.f? *shudder*
now, this ad is a little of a farce (i hope) but i’ve seen others like them…dead serious.
then you get the seller who just has some crazy bullshit just laying around their house…and it makes you wonder
a) why they even owned such a thing and
2) who could you re-gift it to?
such as:
Or
yes, that’s right…you too could have your very own vagina couch!
Or even
the cock n balls chicken finger…which goes nicely with:
the smiley French fry
And then there’s the free stuff:
Hello. I have a big box of used cat and kitten hats that I have collected over
the years for various occasions. As of recently my cat, Snowman, is no longer
living* and thus I am forced to get rid of these precious memories. I would not feel
right asking money for them so I am offering the whole box for free. There are many
styles from formal too cute and funny.
There is a variety of 14 different hats total. I just hope you and your pet can find
as much joy in these hats as me and Snowman once did.
*it’s just my guess, but i’m thinking “snowman” probably offed himself
Or if you simply enjoy the finer things:
Or just have a great affection for fred sanford:
of course if you’re an art aficionado, there’s always milf-boob-art:
And whats being peddling in your part of town?
Wanna buy a truckload of post holes? Cheap – just bring truck big enough for hauling
and a shovel big enough to dig them up
Happy Saint Paddy’s Day!
xoxo, stasi
Punk in Trublic said,
Mon, 17.Mar.08 at 7:41 pm
As always, it was ALL amusing, but I kind of fell apart around the “perfect steak” and the “coor’s light”…… criminal, I say. *wink*
And if the noxious acids in my gut weren’t turning enough at the thought of that poor steak being offended by cohabitating in the same gastrointestinal track with a *snooty accent in full effect here* macro domestic – tres gauche, then to be confronted by that futon picture and your far too descriptive “jizz”, ugh…. there goes lunch. **hurp**
stasihart said,
Mon, 17.Mar.08 at 7:45 pm
and in the spirit o’ the day, green eggs and ham anyone?
Shannon said,
Mon, 17.Mar.08 at 10:04 pm
I don’t think it was jizz, actually. In fact, I’m certain that it is just pictures of spirits floating around in the air, and that you’re just a bunch of sick bastards. And what’s wrong with steak and ketchup? *Hands on hips*
lol
Do you think Snowman was a boy cat? I mean cause SnowMAN does sound like a boy cat name, although I’m fairly certain he had a red wig on in one of those pictures.
stasihart said,
Tue, 18.Mar.08 at 4:43 pm
“I don’t think it was jizz, actually. In fact, I’m certain that it is just pictures of spirits floating around in the air, and that you’re just a bunch of sick bastards.”
-puff, puff, give hippie!!
“And what’s wrong with steak and ketchup? *Hands on hips*”
nothing shan, nothing at all…just like there’s nothing wrong with drinking dom p. out of dixie cups…
“Do you think Snowman was a boy cat?”
i don’t think the cat-in-the-hat was that woman’s biggest issue >wink<