here’s your sign!
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…the italian and i went out for dinner last night, and i excused myself to the ladies room (for the 3rd time in 2 hours) and as i’m washing up i see “the” sign, i always kinda shake my head at the “employees must wash hands before returning to work” signs…i’m not sayin’ (i’m just sayin’) that this is not rocket science…being a food-service alum myself, i can attest to that fact. however comma (for chris) anyone who has attended at least preschool has learned that you have to wash your hands upon exiting a bathroom – regardless of your reason for being in there…but i digress…
the real reason this sign posted to thwart any legal proceedings from someone who may get sick from eating at said establishment and the claim that the employees were not clearly taught how to perform their hygienic responsibilities…this gets me to further thinking of frivolous lawsuits that have been won by someone’s ignorance and/or shear lack common sense…take the stupid warning labels companies are forced to print and place on their products
On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness
In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets.
On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
Cardboard car sunshield: Do not drive with sunshield in place.
Bat Man The Animated Series Armor Set Halloween costume box:
PARENT: Please exercise caution—mask and chest plate are not protective;
cape does not enable wearer to fly
i am all for the darwin theory of thinning out the herd…
i remember hearing about a lawsuit where a man actually won an insane amount of money from sears because he tried to use his lawn mower to trim his hedges and lost most of his fingers…
what about the woman who sued mcdonald’s for spilling hot coffee in her lap?* come ON. hot beverages have been around since shortly after, oh i don’t know, the discovery of fire?? my dog has better sense and on a good day MAY have the total vocabulary of perhaps a two year old (sidebar dog fact: a border collie is often thought of to be the smartest dog breed with a vocab of near a 3.5 year old) i watch my dog go near my fireplace…he sniffs and shys away…why? because of the warning label i have placed above my fireplace that says “hey stupid, this is hot”…
even if we had horrible, irresponsible parents…we are at some point told what’s hot, what’s sharp, what will put your eye out…geebus, corky knows better.
speaking of parents…
how about the other infamous mcDonald’s lawsuit? this one was dismissed in 2003 — but for fucksake people, i can sue you because i am fat from eating FRIED CHICKEN, FRIED BURGERS AND MILKSHAKES???
based on that, here are a list of people i’d like to sue:
jimmy choo — for making me want to spend a month’s worth of pay on shoes that will just give me blisters anyway…
tiffany’s – because that dainty blue box did not, in fact, turn him into a saint
cosmo, vogue, & elle magazines — for all the therapy i’ve had to endure because of my eating disorder
absolut vodka — for that one night stand with the psycho who i later found out robbed me
trojan condoms — for the obvious**
the sun (the star, not the newspaper) — for my skin cancer
mother nature – for my: allergies, cysts, hip displasia and aging
and finally, i’d like to sue God, for everything.
thats my word.
*to be fair — the lawsuit was brought about bc the woman did have some nasty burns to the inside of her thighs which required some painful plastic surgery (skin graphs) and 7 days in the hospital, the mcDonald’s corporation refused to pay her medical bills and offered her a settlement of 800.00…it ended up costing them 2.7 million (which was later reduced to less than 1M on appeal)
**included purely for humor — that’s one mistake i’d make over and over again
